Seeking Normal – Day 17

Day 17 prompt:

How has your normal changed or are you living the life you experienced as a child? Re-creation or Recreation?

The prompt is a long-one this morning so I set the question above and offer the entire prompt here.

  • Tara Westover said, “There is a way you experience life as a child, and then as an adult you have to look back and decide how you are going to think about it”.

My answer:

This prompt is very similar to Day 16 so rather than go through my own experience of changing my life as an adult as a result of not wanting to emulate the life I experienced as a child I would like to expound on some of the thoughts that Tara Westover shared in her interview on Super Soul Sunday. These are the highlights as I recorded them and how I perceive them.

  • There is a way you experience life as a child and then as an adult you have to look back and decide how you are going to think about it.
    • This is all about perspective which is gained when you realize that what you think is “normal” is challenged. For me this occurred as I observed my friends lives and families as a child and teenager.
  • It’s strange how you give the people you love so much power over you.
    • Incredible statement. While I did not experience this negatively, I have observed it in others and I think it occurs when you allow other people’s belief’s about you to matter more than your own beliefs of you.
  • They have to invade your reality and they have to distort it and they have to change how you see yourself and have mind-control.
    • This is the greatest statement and helps me to understand why I am so resolved to let go of the ways in which “she” attempts to victimize me by making me at fault. I know my reality better than anyone else in the world and if that reality makes YOU uncomfortable; well that is about you. #Word
  • That’s my view of it and I am not going to change that to make you more comfortable. 
    • I have fought to get to the place where I am in life, a life that makes sense to me, and I am not willing to compromise those views, perspectives or observations that are most definitive, for me.
  • It’s not a question of whether you love them it’s a question as to whether they belong in your life.
    • I will leave this right here. #Word
  • You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye.
    • Yet another truth that is so simply and so eloquently stated that it needs no more explanation. Yes, I have made those choices and stand behind them as way to protect myself. 
  • I think we do love a great disservice when we make it about control and change.

Tara Westover’s book “Educated” is profound. I highly recommend it as a read that you will have a hard time putting down.

What I know as an adult is that we have all been through the trauma of childhood because regardless of how it is defined it is your normal for the first 18 years and it is only after you are removed that you understand the true meaning and how it has set you up for your future as it will now be defined by you.

Live as I have lived it – L.

Enough-

What a great word, so many meanings simply based on the way you say it.

  • said Lovingly…”I am enough” something many of us need to say daily
  • said Impatiently…”Enough already!” will shut it down in a minute
  • said Desperately…”Enough…” begging for it to stop

What a valuable word… Do you have enough? Am I enough? Have you had enough? When will it be enough?

…but what is “enough” to have and to be?

The answer to that question is up to you. You decide when enough is enough. You decide when you have had enough. And yes, ultimately YOU decide that you are enough; no one can take that value from you.

The funny thing about each of the questions is the irony of it all…

  • You realize you have had enough when you are typically overwhelmed with whatever IT Is…emotion, food, stuff.
  • You realize you ARE enough when you put the work in creating your self-worth and value.
  • You realize when it is enough when you reach a state that you have previously become familiar with as a baseline or ceiling.

The reality of this word in my world has played out as follows…

Professionally – being in Sales and Revenue, who is to say when enough is enough. When you hit last year’s numbers, when you hit budget, when you surpass your best year? In my world enough is never enough so as the leader I make sure that those that I lead know where the ceiling is in every case. We call it the “50 Things”. It is not literally 50 things but the theory is that when you know you have done all you can do (which should be enough) then “call it”. More is not always better.

Personally – as you are growing your home and family you find yourself accumulating things. Husbands, kids, furniture…ha-ha…just kidding about the kids..uh I mean husbands..ha! Anyway my point is that I find it ironic that in my 40’s the only thing I want to do is get rid of all of these things..husbands, kids, furniture! Ha! (Kieling myself tonight!) Point, yes I am getting to the point. You accumulate thinking you don’t have enough, you collect more and more and more until you realize you have too much. And then enough is too much…and we “downsize”. All of my 20-something followers, save yourself the trouble of downsizing and simply don’t supersize!

The Truth – the real deal when it comes to enough is that I have never been a good judge of when enough is enough in my own efforts. I see things in extremes and am very black and white, I have been searching for the gray all of my life (oooh, that might be a good blog topic…”The Gray”… back to it Lori). I take things on and go to the extreme with nearly everything. In some cases this lack of an “enough-meter” has served me well in my weight loss and career. But mentally I can drive myself crazy because never realizing when enough is enough I open myself up to burnout, fatigue and ultimately failure because when you don’t know when enough is enough…you keep going until you can’t…this is definitely a no bueno. This ends you up in a doctor’s office when you have pushed your body too far, or a therapists office when you simply cannot get something out of your head (btw, this is not a bad thing…seeing the therapist that is) because of the obsession that exists when enough is never enough.

The reality of what makes anything enough is being content with what you have and who you are TODAY. I have learned recently in order to find contentment you have to have gratitude. So today I look around me and take inventory of my life and realize that I still have more than enough of all the right things; love, family, friends and I today I am content and grateful. Most importantly, I am enough and so are you! – L.