Self Series…value, worth, why we do what we do…

Let’s do the work, there is so much of it to be done. I am launching my “Self Series” to really explore self-worth, self-value and where the motivation to do what we do comes from and why. There are articles, books, blogs, and tons of other information around this subject and when I learn I write, hence the blog. Everyone that knows me know that I am the eternal note taker, it’s how I process information therefore for this series, the writings, the studies of self will become my first blog series.

Let’s start with the definitions and the differences in the terms:

  • Self-worth: defined as another term for self esteem. Also defined as how you value yourself. It’s not based on what others think of you or the things you have (or haven’t) accomplished—it comes from within.
  • Self-esteem: defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.
    • The difference between the two: Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing “I am greater than all of those things”. … Self-esteem doesn’t last or “work” without self-worth.
  • Self-respect: Self respect is defined as holding yourself in esteem and believing that you are good and worthy of being treated well. An example of self respect is when you know you deserve to be treated right and, as a result, you do not tolerate others lying to you or treating you unfairly.

There are many synonyms that are spawned from these terms and as you start reading you can find yourself down a proverbial rabbit hole in search of self. Each has its own definition and terms but they all lead back to the self. When searching for the definition of “self” that in itself was a rabbit hole. For the sake of this series self is identity. Self is who you are and the varying aspects related to the compound words that self originates will be the rabbit hole.

Bringing it back to me, myself…where did this interest start? Simply it started with a knotted up head and a desire to unravel all that was paralyzing me. Upon a meeting with my therapist we worked to find the origin of those knots and as we often do; we started with what was the “effect” to do the work to get to the “cause” or genesis. How we get there is the science and magic of mental health practitioners but in this case we were able to trace it back to my self-value and ultimately why I do what I do. This 90-minute session has now defined the work I will do to better understand exactly that…why do I do what I do?

The original findings explored during that session was that I have a need to be needed and in that I find my value. A strange twist on co-dependence in that I seek to have dependence on me to define my value. The problem? Because after all it’s only an issue if it’s an issue…is that it is exhausting me physically and mentally. I recognized that I could not continue feeling the way I was feeling and hence my journey to figure out the cause as the effect was apparent.

I hope that you will follow me through this series, come with me down the rabbit hole, you might learn a thing or two about yourself in the process. I will be transparent as always as I seek to understand why I do what I do and what I will do when I don’t do that anymore…complicated enough?

Life as I explore it – L.

It’s in the Blueprints…

It’s in the blueprints…it’s our structure…it’s who we are…there are things you can change and some you cannot. Knowing the difference is imperative in both cases.

When you build a house there are walls for the sake of creating space and there are walls that are structural supports. These structural walls cannot be moved, they cannot be changed, they are what they are and we have to live with them. The other walls that make up the house can be changed as our needs or tastes change. If you did not understand these basics of what can and what cannot be changed you would destroy the house.

Structural Engineer analyzes and designs the gravity support and lateral force resistance of buildings, bridges, and other structures. In our lives we are the Emotional Engineers of our psyche, our souls and what ultimately shapes our character. As noted in the Structural Engineer’s definition it’s the support and the resistance that determines the load that we bear. We have to know what we can change about ourselves and what is simply hard-coded or structural.

In my earlier blog I wrote about the book “Unf*ck Yourself” and the author made great points about change and the ability to change your life. Here are some that appeal to me and why:

  1. You have the life you’re willing to put up with.
  2. When you start to view the world through the lens of what you’re willing and unwilling to pursue, rather than what it seems you want and don’t want, things start to become a lot clearer.
  3. “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do” — Carl Jung
  4. Stopping your bad habit doesn’t help, unless you replace it with something else, something that actually works in your favor and is an example of the new kind of life you really want to live.

I believe strongly in #1 because what we all have the ability to do is to CHOOSE. You are the architect of YOUR life, you decide. If you don’t like the path you are on then change paths. Oprah’s latest book “The Path Made Clear” has great points worth sharing…

  • Your life is always speaking to you. 
  • Live an inspired life 
  • Your self worth is your job
  • Your potential is always bigger than the problem 
  • You can’t hope for it unless you can imagine it.
  • You can’t love something until you can accept it 
  • There is so much energy tied up in “more” 
  • What you appreciate in life appreciates you

I challenge you to take an inventory of your “walls” and determine where a renovation is needed. 🙂

My Mom and I would always refer to the “Serenity Prayer” when it came to things that were beyond our control. It is the universal prayer for change. I recite it often but find that I use it more to distinguish things beyond my control (the structural walls) versus summoning it to give me the courage to change the things I can (the renovation). (Time to file a permit)…looks like there is indeed more work to be done! Thank God… L.