Self-Conclusion…Live NOW

An interesting response came the other night from Gary. I was sitting on the couch watching TV and working on my laptop. As I was shutting my laptop down and closing the recliner to get up I said to Gary “I really need to get my life together!”. To this Gary literally laughed out loud and said, “If you need to get YOUR life together we are all in trouble”. He actually made me laugh at the ridiculousness of the statement! To this brief, comical encounter I offer you the last of the Self-Series.

I often pontificate on the life I have and if it is indeed the life I want. I do this because I am of the belief that we are the ultimate creators of our life through our choices. We come into this world alone and we leave it presumably alone and yet how we live is so frequently dependent on others. Seems an oxymoron of statements. The reality is that even as we live with others we are on our own in defining life as we live it.

We are all so busy making it happen for everyone else. But what about the canvas that is your own life? As Oprah says, “You alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-true-love/201910/what-i-learned-being-oprah

I feel that I have become an expert at creating the blueprints that define the life I want to live and then creating or architecting that existence. Unless I am tired, distracted, happy, sad, content, etc. You name it and it has the ability to throw me off of the plan and leave me with all of the pieces and parts that I attempted to set in motion lying around me. Pulling from my recent “Self-Series” it would seem that self-discipline, self-motivation and a bit of self-control could solve for any distraction, yet here I sit.

My ability to summon the self-discipline/motivation/control can certainly push beyond my mood or state of being in the short-term. It is the long-haul that is put to the test when the only consequence is yourself. If I am not letting anyone else down then why does it matter if I don’t run, write, read, sleep, _____________. But the reality is that letting myself down is the worst thing I could do because I matter and what matters to me, matters.

The life I want requires many things from the “self” but most importantly the result of the life I want is to feel satisfied with what I am doing, who I am and how I live it. The only way to do this is to not be dependent on others or situations. You have to be willing to live despite it all. I used to say “I will be happy when_________”, “Things will be perfect when_______.”, you fill in the blanks. And then I got to __________ and nothing changed relative to my happiness beyond what it already was prior to the condition I was summoning.

Today, this weekend and even some of last week, I was living my “best” life. Life fulfilled with those that matter most, doing the things that matter to me and finding value in that simplicity. Don’t make it harder than it has to be, live it simply. Live it without conditions and live it now, right where you are…today, this minute…now.

Live as I see it – L.

Self Series…value, worth, why we do what we do…

Let’s do the work, there is so much of it to be done. I am launching my “Self Series” to really explore self-worth, self-value and where the motivation to do what we do comes from and why. There are articles, books, blogs, and tons of other information around this subject and when I learn I write, hence the blog. Everyone that knows me know that I am the eternal note taker, it’s how I process information therefore for this series, the writings, the studies of self will become my first blog series.

Let’s start with the definitions and the differences in the terms:

  • Self-worth: defined as another term for self esteem. Also defined as how you value yourself. It’s not based on what others think of you or the things you have (or haven’t) accomplished—it comes from within.
  • Self-esteem: defined as confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect.
    • The difference between the two: Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing “I am greater than all of those things”. … Self-esteem doesn’t last or “work” without self-worth.
  • Self-respect: Self respect is defined as holding yourself in esteem and believing that you are good and worthy of being treated well. An example of self respect is when you know you deserve to be treated right and, as a result, you do not tolerate others lying to you or treating you unfairly.

There are many synonyms that are spawned from these terms and as you start reading you can find yourself down a proverbial rabbit hole in search of self. Each has its own definition and terms but they all lead back to the self. When searching for the definition of “self” that in itself was a rabbit hole. For the sake of this series self is identity. Self is who you are and the varying aspects related to the compound words that self originates will be the rabbit hole.

Bringing it back to me, myself…where did this interest start? Simply it started with a knotted up head and a desire to unravel all that was paralyzing me. Upon a meeting with my therapist we worked to find the origin of those knots and as we often do; we started with what was the “effect” to do the work to get to the “cause” or genesis. How we get there is the science and magic of mental health practitioners but in this case we were able to trace it back to my self-value and ultimately why I do what I do. This 90-minute session has now defined the work I will do to better understand exactly that…why do I do what I do?

The original findings explored during that session was that I have a need to be needed and in that I find my value. A strange twist on co-dependence in that I seek to have dependence on me to define my value. The problem? Because after all it’s only an issue if it’s an issue…is that it is exhausting me physically and mentally. I recognized that I could not continue feeling the way I was feeling and hence my journey to figure out the cause as the effect was apparent.

I hope that you will follow me through this series, come with me down the rabbit hole, you might learn a thing or two about yourself in the process. I will be transparent as always as I seek to understand why I do what I do and what I will do when I don’t do that anymore…complicated enough?

Life as I explore it – L.