I’ll decide…

This was one of my favorite things my mom would say. We would be contemplating something and she would say “l’ll decide” and the debate would ensue.

My least favorite thing she would say was “we’ll see”. She knew it would make me CRAZY and so she would say it as often as possible.

The irony in the two statements when you think about it is funny; one determining a final decision and the other holding one off.

I prefer “I’ll decide” because I dislike the state of limbo of “we’ll see”. I need things in my life to be black or white; decided one way or another. Sleeping on it has not been my strong point yet when forced to do so, I do and benefit from the space in the gray.

  • The issue with the black and white is that decisions are made with haste because after all a decision has to be made.
  • The issue with the gray is that it allows things to linger. Leaving things undecided and left in a state of limbo stunts progress.

Ultimately what I have learned as well is that not making a decision is a decision. It may start as a “sleep on it” or “we’ll see” however left to ponder, opportunities are lost. Balance is the answer when the choices are “I’ll decide” or “We’ll see”. Somewhere in the middle is where we are best served.

Back to the inspiration that started this blog, my Mom. She had a tendency to be very “fresh” or as we used to call her “smarty britches” and that is the sarcastic charm we loved. This month is a reminder of her love for these two statements as we are approaching the anniversary of her passing. What I can tell you about how she embraced both phrases is that when the Oncologist told us how long she had left to live I remember her pointing up to the sky and saying “He’ll decide”. Wow it was the first time I had seen her give that power away and how fitting as she was giving it to her Creator. In the end “we (would) see” who was going to decide because despite medical prediction she decided. Hospice and the Preacher would come to the house time and time again and be shocked that she was still holding on and I would tell them that she was not going to be bound by anyone else’s timeline (not even “His”) and that she would decide when it was her time, not anyone else.

Even in those final moments of silence that defiance came through. “I’ll Decide” and “We’ll See” will forever be her defining statements. I still NEVER say “we’ll say” but I love when I get the opportunity to say “I’ll decide” because the recipient of my “smarty britches” response cannot know that is yet another moment that I am #HonoringHer.

Living life as I DECIDE – L.

Enough-

What a great word, so many meanings simply based on the way you say it.

  • said Lovingly…”I am enough” something many of us need to say daily
  • said Impatiently…”Enough already!” will shut it down in a minute
  • said Desperately…”Enough…” begging for it to stop

What a valuable word… Do you have enough? Am I enough? Have you had enough? When will it be enough?

…but what is “enough” to have and to be?

The answer to that question is up to you. You decide when enough is enough. You decide when you have had enough. And yes, ultimately YOU decide that you are enough; no one can take that value from you.

The funny thing about each of the questions is the irony of it all…

  • You realize you have had enough when you are typically overwhelmed with whatever IT Is…emotion, food, stuff.
  • You realize you ARE enough when you put the work in creating your self-worth and value.
  • You realize when it is enough when you reach a state that you have previously become familiar with as a baseline or ceiling.

The reality of this word in my world has played out as follows…

Professionally – being in Sales and Revenue, who is to say when enough is enough. When you hit last year’s numbers, when you hit budget, when you surpass your best year? In my world enough is never enough so as the leader I make sure that those that I lead know where the ceiling is in every case. We call it the “50 Things”. It is not literally 50 things but the theory is that when you know you have done all you can do (which should be enough) then “call it”. More is not always better.

Personally – as you are growing your home and family you find yourself accumulating things. Husbands, kids, furniture…ha-ha…just kidding about the kids..uh I mean husbands..ha! Anyway my point is that I find it ironic that in my 40’s the only thing I want to do is get rid of all of these things..husbands, kids, furniture! Ha! (Kieling myself tonight!) Point, yes I am getting to the point. You accumulate thinking you don’t have enough, you collect more and more and more until you realize you have too much. And then enough is too much…and we “downsize”. All of my 20-something followers, save yourself the trouble of downsizing and simply don’t supersize!

The Truth – the real deal when it comes to enough is that I have never been a good judge of when enough is enough in my own efforts. I see things in extremes and am very black and white, I have been searching for the gray all of my life (oooh, that might be a good blog topic…”The Gray”… back to it Lori). I take things on and go to the extreme with nearly everything. In some cases this lack of an “enough-meter” has served me well in my weight loss and career. But mentally I can drive myself crazy because never realizing when enough is enough I open myself up to burnout, fatigue and ultimately failure because when you don’t know when enough is enough…you keep going until you can’t…this is definitely a no bueno. This ends you up in a doctor’s office when you have pushed your body too far, or a therapists office when you simply cannot get something out of your head (btw, this is not a bad thing…seeing the therapist that is) because of the obsession that exists when enough is never enough.

The reality of what makes anything enough is being content with what you have and who you are TODAY. I have learned recently in order to find contentment you have to have gratitude. So today I look around me and take inventory of my life and realize that I still have more than enough of all the right things; love, family, friends and I today I am content and grateful. Most importantly, I am enough and so are you! – L.