I’ll decide…

This was one of my favorite things my mom would say. We would be contemplating something and she would say “l’ll decide” and the debate would ensue.

My least favorite thing she would say was “we’ll see”. She knew it would make me CRAZY and so she would say it as often as possible.

The irony in the two statements when you think about it is funny; one determining a final decision and the other holding one off.

I prefer “I’ll decide” because I dislike the state of limbo of “we’ll see”. I need things in my life to be black or white; decided one way or another. Sleeping on it has not been my strong point yet when forced to do so, I do and benefit from the space in the gray.

  • The issue with the black and white is that decisions are made with haste because after all a decision has to be made.
  • The issue with the gray is that it allows things to linger. Leaving things undecided and left in a state of limbo stunts progress.

Ultimately what I have learned as well is that not making a decision is a decision. It may start as a “sleep on it” or “we’ll see” however left to ponder, opportunities are lost. Balance is the answer when the choices are “I’ll decide” or “We’ll see”. Somewhere in the middle is where we are best served.

Back to the inspiration that started this blog, my Mom. She had a tendency to be very “fresh” or as we used to call her “smarty britches” and that is the sarcastic charm we loved. This month is a reminder of her love for these two statements as we are approaching the anniversary of her passing. What I can tell you about how she embraced both phrases is that when the Oncologist told us how long she had left to live I remember her pointing up to the sky and saying “He’ll decide”. Wow it was the first time I had seen her give that power away and how fitting as she was giving it to her Creator. In the end “we (would) see” who was going to decide because despite medical prediction she decided. Hospice and the Preacher would come to the house time and time again and be shocked that she was still holding on and I would tell them that she was not going to be bound by anyone else’s timeline (not even “His”) and that she would decide when it was her time, not anyone else.

Even in those final moments of silence that defiance came through. “I’ll Decide” and “We’ll See” will forever be her defining statements. I still NEVER say “we’ll say” but I love when I get the opportunity to say “I’ll decide” because the recipient of my “smarty britches” response cannot know that is yet another moment that I am #HonoringHer.

Living life as I DECIDE – L.

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