My safe place…YOU

On this 24th wedding anniversary I am moved to dedicate this blog to my husband. I was talking to a friend today and telling her that 24 years is a lifetime and when I think back to when we met I realize that we have lived more years together than apart. Many couples talk about growing apart as the years pass, the kids grow up and out and the careers settle-in. I have to be honest in saying that I/we truly know how that happens as we first met when he was 17 and I was 20. A lot of things change in and about a person from teenager to 40-something+. What I will also admit is that we have to fight every single day for this marriage as it never gets easier. The factors change, the stresses evolve but the partnership remains solid because it was built on the most solid of foundations; friendship.

The last few years have been fraught with the biggest hurdles of my life. Losing my mother and my health has put my sanity to the test. I have felt I was on the brink and just when I didn’t think I could do one more day…there you were. Every time I came home from Virginia, I came home to you, the keeper of everything that is me. Every time I went through another surgery, another procedure, another diagnosis…there you were, reminding me that I am tougher than the worst thing that could happen to me.

What I know for sure is that every time I came home from where ever I was or am in this world…there you are. When I am with you I feel “safe”. I feel like I am going to be okay. It’s not a word you say or a thing you do; it is knowing that you are there. When you are in the room, all is right in my world.

I thank you for all you are, all you put up with…WE have been through it! I would not want to walk this journey with anyone else and regardless of how many times in our 24 years I have said, “If you don’t like it you can leave…” (HA!) you know you would never even reach the front door and I would be pulling you back.

Thank you for 24 years but more importantly thank you for loving me. Thank you for being the place I call home. Thank you for making me feel safe in a world where safety is a premium. You are my safe place and for that I am forever blessed.

Life…safe…with him – L.

It’s in the Blueprints…

It’s in the blueprints…it’s our structure…it’s who we are…there are things you can change and some you cannot. Knowing the difference is imperative in both cases.

When you build a house there are walls for the sake of creating space and there are walls that are structural supports. These structural walls cannot be moved, they cannot be changed, they are what they are and we have to live with them. The other walls that make up the house can be changed as our needs or tastes change. If you did not understand these basics of what can and what cannot be changed you would destroy the house.

Structural Engineer analyzes and designs the gravity support and lateral force resistance of buildings, bridges, and other structures. In our lives we are the Emotional Engineers of our psyche, our souls and what ultimately shapes our character. As noted in the Structural Engineer’s definition it’s the support and the resistance that determines the load that we bear. We have to know what we can change about ourselves and what is simply hard-coded or structural.

In my earlier blog I wrote about the book “Unf*ck Yourself” and the author made great points about change and the ability to change your life. Here are some that appeal to me and why:

  1. You have the life you’re willing to put up with.
  2. When you start to view the world through the lens of what you’re willing and unwilling to pursue, rather than what it seems you want and don’t want, things start to become a lot clearer.
  3. “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do” — Carl Jung
  4. Stopping your bad habit doesn’t help, unless you replace it with something else, something that actually works in your favor and is an example of the new kind of life you really want to live.

I believe strongly in #1 because what we all have the ability to do is to CHOOSE. You are the architect of YOUR life, you decide. If you don’t like the path you are on then change paths. Oprah’s latest book “The Path Made Clear” has great points worth sharing…

  • Your life is always speaking to you. 
  • Live an inspired life 
  • Your self worth is your job
  • Your potential is always bigger than the problem 
  • You can’t hope for it unless you can imagine it.
  • You can’t love something until you can accept it 
  • There is so much energy tied up in “more” 
  • What you appreciate in life appreciates you

I challenge you to take an inventory of your “walls” and determine where a renovation is needed. 🙂

My Mom and I would always refer to the “Serenity Prayer” when it came to things that were beyond our control. It is the universal prayer for change. I recite it often but find that I use it more to distinguish things beyond my control (the structural walls) versus summoning it to give me the courage to change the things I can (the renovation). (Time to file a permit)…looks like there is indeed more work to be done! Thank God… L.