Use Your Voice

You have a voice; how you use it decides if you will lose it. Do you speak up…too much, or not enough? Our decisions in every moment of when we use our voice, how we use our voice, or if we use our voice ultimately decide if we will be heard. 

It is essential to know when to stay silent as essential as knowing when to speak.  If you are always talking, chances are no one is listening.  If you are always quiet, the perception is that you have nothing to say.  When you control your voice and its output, you control the narrative. 

Think about it; those talking all the time are the ones we drown out.  They are the Charlie Brown teachers in the rooms…

…that we stop listening to because they are ALWAYS talking. 

Then there are those in the room that say nothing and leave us wondering why they are in the room, to begin with.

You want to be the one in the room that everyone stops what they are doing and listens to.  You want to be the one that gets the listener’s attention because they know when you have something to say, it is worth listening to; you want to be that voice, meaningful and with intention.

How to use your voice is a skill that takes practice and self-reflection.  It takes time in front of different audiences where you can test out your voice and witness, usually in real-time, the reaction of your voice on the audience.  Are you just restating someone else’s good idea?  Are you criticizing?  Are you adding value with your voice or merely piling on?  What is the audience’s reaction? What is the read on the room after you speak?

To start building your voice skills, you have to have the patience to stop and think before you talk.  Much like the process of mindfulness in thought control requires you to stop when a thought comes to mind to consider its worth and then choose to let it go or react to it.  Using your voice requires a similar cadence.  Before responding to what you hear, you must first stop and decide if you should respond or stay silent and, if worth speaking up, what your message will be to create value. 

Once you have practiced when to use your voice, the next step in the process is how to use your voice.  How we use our voices determines if our voices will be heard again in the future.  Will you be invited back to the conversation?  Let’s explore a few examples:

Are you a confirmer?  Only speaking up to confirm someone else’s point-of-view?

  • There is undoubtedly a place for this voice in helping to gain consensus on another person’s point-of-view; however, if challenged to stand on that POV for yourself, would you?  Or are you only in agreement for the sake of wanting to fit in or find comfort in the group?  Use caution in this voice, as your integrity will be challenged.

Are you a statement-maker?  Are you always making a “drop-the-mic” statement? 

  • There are times that this voice is relevant and can be impactful if used sparsely.  If you are always trying to make a statement, your voice can become overpowering and irrelevant.  Powerful messages have a place and time; choose each carefully.

Are you “quoter”?  Do you use quotes to add relevance to your voice or message? 

  • The benefit of a famous quote is that it creates recognition with the audience as it is a place of familiarity that can immediately connect the speaker with the audience.  For this to be fully realized, the “quote” must be relevant to the message being delivered.  
  • The detriment in quoting without the subsequent relevance is that you require the audience to do the work to connect the dots.  Quotes used back-to-back lack integrity and tend to lack creativity in finding your voice by using others in vain.
  • “Proceed with Caution” – Eartha Kitt (ha!)

In concluding, it is worth noting that every conversation is not that serious, complex, or dramatic; however, practicing in all circumstances will strengthen your voice and your point of view.  Your voice is your gift.  Use it with discretion and revel in the places where your silence is the loudest voice in the room. 

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. — ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Life as I live it – L.

Happiness is Presence

It occurs to me as I am sitting in the arena. Friends next to me, family nearby, and screaming fans all around me. Happiness is here. Happiness is present, are you? I thought for a moment that this place might be the happiest place on earth. A hockey game, that is where happiness was present in that moment. The jumbotron was capturing smiles, cheers, dancing, singing, it was “happiness” personified by a thousand of my closest hockey friends/fans.

Earlier that day I was having breakfast with the one who could be my sister. This time it was a feeling that washed over me that whispered “this is home” as I could feel the calm overcome me. Being in the presence of one that knows me better than myself and loves me more than myself is a gift. The thing these two very different experiences have in common is that I would have missed the moments if I had not been present. If I had not left enough peace within to quiet my mind to experience the moment, I could not have felt the jubilation of the hockey game or the peace in my quiet brunch.

Today I am here alone and once again experiencing something so similar that it occurred to me that this peace, happiness, and presence is available to me anytime I choose it. Here I sit alone, cleaning up paperwork, organizing, listening to music, and realizing that this is bliss. Do I dare interrupt this moment for any other obligation, no, for this is what presence affords us, the choice to stay still, right where we are, now, in the moment, present.

Life as I live it – L.

Present with All Five Senses

Photo by Ilya Shishikhin on Unsplash

This is about being present. This is about how to know you are here and not there. This is about bringing it back to center. The most valuable lesson I learned in the final days of my mother’s life was in presence. Being present meant being there with her physically, mentally, and spiritually. I promised myself as I walked away from that experience that I would forever live in “the moment”. Experiencing presence in such an extreme moment as the passing of one’s parent is intense and profound and while nothing we would ever want to repeat it is only worth the pain of the experience if you can experience the intensity of that presence in life without death.

The key to being present is giving focus to that moment and therefore checking for presence. The ultimate audit of presence is through the senses. Are you there? What are you seeing, what do you smell, what can you taste, what do you hear and what do you feel? This is how you bring it back to center. You cannot do this “audit” without moving back to the present moment. Our minds will wander and we will be reminded of something in our past or feel the pressure of what is to come in the future but checking in with our five senses will force, most gently, us back into the present moment.

Let’s try this out together. Using this moment as our present, as it is all we have and undeniably the present moment, let’s use the senses to audit our presence at this moment. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What do you see? What is in front of you? What is behind you? What is in the peripheral?
  • What do you smell? Immerse yourself in your environment. Acknowledge the obvious smells and hues of other smells in the air?
  • What do you hear? Go beyond the obvious that is in front of you and look for those accompaniments around you.
  • What do you feel? Again, mentally, spiritually but also in the environment. Is there a breeze or is it still? Are your fingers engaging in texture?
  • What do you taste? If you are eating search for the essence beyond the primary ingredient. Can you taste a spice or herb that is transient? If you are not eating what is the taste on your tongue or in your breath? Can you still identify the remnants of a previous meal or drink?

When this is read through as a process this can seem cumbersome or time-consuming however in practice it is quite simple and becomes a “pulse-check”. I was sitting with a friend at lunch yesterday and we were talking about “presence” and our monkey minds and at that moment I did a senses audit to embrace this moment that we were in. It was simple and yet the most valuable thing I had done all day; because I was checking for my ability to seize this very special moment and revel in the gift that it was and will now be remembered. This is the secondary benefit of “being in the moment” is that it then creates a more vivid memory to recall a moment spent in full presence. As I look back on that moment from yesterday I can now recall it more sweetly because I engaged all senses. It is now recalled as follows:

  • I could see my friend. I was also aware of the people moving around us from a distance coming and going.
  • I could smell the rich spice of my soup and the freshness of the vegetables in my sandwich. I could smell the fresh air blowing around us.
  • I could hear my friend and her intonations as we spoke about life. I could hear cars passing, I could hear the breeze blowing around us, serving up the fresh air.
  • I could feel my friends’ love for me. I could feel the tinge of coolness in the breeze. I could feel my gratitude for being in this moment and wanting to push pause on everything else in life.
  • I could taste the warmth of my soup, the texture of the french bread I was dipping in the soup, and the crispness of fresh vegetables in my sandwich. I could also taste the sweetness of fellowship as it made the physical taste more intense.

This recollection is now only available to me because I had the wherewithal to stop and check my presence, at that moment, through my senses. My friend was not aware of my internal audit as my going through it only intensified my presence.

Stop right now and do the audit at this moment. Reading a blog can seem so insignificant without acknowledging it with all five senses. Reading is seeing, but what does it make you feel, and what can you hear in the background as you read, what are you touching while you read, and is there a taste in your mouth of sweet, sour, or neutrality. While I realize that everything in life does not have to be “a moment” it is worth practicing in the insignificant moments to savor the significant moments through this practice.

Think about your favorite moments in life and they are likely those that engage all five senses and were also likely in places that were curated to engage all five senses. Watching a movie in a theater, hearing music at a concert, or eating food in a restaurant creates impact and demands presence as these experiences command your senses. These places are set-up to engage every sense and in doing so creates an intensity in the moment that is remembered and leaves the participant longing for the same experience again. But what is the experience you are left longing to repeat? It is likely not to see the same movie again, hear the same music, or eat the same food. The longing is likely to experience a moment when all five senses are engaged again where you are so caught up in the moment that you forget everything except that very moment. That is presence.

This blog is a reminder to us all that every moment has the ability to be fuller and more profound if you simply allow yourself the benefit of being present. It is a tool to be practiced to engage presence rather than acknowledge it. In a world that is pulling us in a million different places and abusing our senses, it is so important to stop and control what you are sensing. Be present in the places you want to be with the senses you want engaged.

Be. Present.

Life as I live it. L.

Are you present…or a million miles away…or both?

One of my favorite questions to ask my husband at any moment in time is “What are you thinking about right now?”. To which he typically answers, “nothing”. What? Huh? How is that possible? A quiet brain is not one I know; I almost said “blessed with” but thought better as I am blessed as I am, busy-minded and all. And that last sentence makes my point perfectly; even as I am writing this my brain is ahead of me and correcting me before I can type the words on the page.

Active brain or quiet brain regardless; are you present? Are you where you are at this moment in time or are you a million miles away. Right now I am present, I am writing and I am here in this moment thinking through this concept. This is the space I prefer; not thinking about the future or the past, but in the now. Our reality is that we only have now and therefore thinking unnecessarily about any time beyond is fruitless. It is an effort to be in the present because so much attention is pulled in other directions; a million miles away.

Now I challenge how many times have you been a million miles away. I can’t tell you how many drives to or from that I don’t recall; I just know I got there safe. I can’t tell you how many TV shows I have watched and never heard a word of what they were saying although I was staring at the TV screen. I will become aware that I have not heard a word that was said and then fight my brain to acknowledge what I missed and where I was in those moments. It is one of the reasons that I like to have my phone or notepad by me at all times. One of my Best Practices is when something comes to my mind that is taking me away from the present moment, I write it down so I don’t forget it so I can get back to the now.

One of my favorite parts of running is the ability to be a million miles away and present all at the same time. I can run for miles and as I do the processing begins. Sometimes I am acutely aware of the effort the run is taking; my breathing, my pace, the heat, the traffic around me. But then other times I am still processing that day’s events or tomorrow schedule. I am a million miles away. I have often said that I am not a multitask-er and have no desire to be one. What I am describing is not multitasking it is 100% about simply “being” here or there; or sometimes both at once.

The worst example of being a million miles away is the Sunday Evening woes. The realization that we have to go back to work on Monday affects all of those I know that have a “Monday”. While we are still in the presence of Sunday and all that there is left to embrace; we are thinking about Monday. “What time do I have to wake-up?” “What time is my first meeting?” “What is on my schedule?” All the while, the life that is being lived is still all around us to embrace or deny. And all we can hope for is that Monday will come and be as well-planned as we are counting on it to be.

There is so much to expound on in presence and the gratitude that being present can bring about for yourself as well as others. I think of the conversations I engaged in today and those that I was 100% present for were a gift and those that I was not fully present for are now a loss. I cannot get that time back, could it be the last time, the last conversation…you see we simply do not know. Yes, that was a dramatic left-hand turn I just made but it is relevant. During my mom’s last week’s I was present, more present than I have ever been in my life. I was absorbing every part of her; her voice, her breath, her scent…HER. I was drowning myself in her presence because I knew there would be a day, not so far away, that I would not be present with her ever again. I knew then, but I do not know now how it will end, who I will see again and what I will miss if I am not present.

My intention this week is to be present in every moment that I am engaged. I have a very busy week with meetings and travel however I will take it one hour at a time, embracing the people, the experiences and the present moment that I have been given as that is my blessing and I hope that if you are part of one those moments that I can bless you with my presence.

Living life as I see it – L.