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Silence

Silence is the complete absence of sound.

Wow, I just read those words and am left with reverberations through my brain. I have never been one that liked silence much. In the car I always have the music on, at home the TV is going (even at bedtime until I fall asleep) and while I am working my radio is on. I am not sure why I need the noise in the background because it certainly does not drown out my busy mind; it just adds to it…like a choir of chaos.

Silence has always intimidated me. I remember when I started at my current job, I was worried that I was not going to be able to work in the environment because everyone worked in their individual offices in complete silence. I imagined I would be in a padded room in about a week after sustaining that environment! 🙂 Even at the beach, the one place I find solace I have a radio going; not so loud that I cannot hear the waves but nonetheless more noise. When I run I must have music blaring loudly in my ears. The idea of running with NO music is impossible; I don’t think my feet could take the first step.

Something is changing.

Of late I find myself enjoying the silence, soaking it in, longing for it, searching for it and when I find it I sit in it, silent. I have enjoyed entire car rides home without a sound, I enjoy sitting on the back porch just listening to nature and the wind rustling though the leaves, I enjoy the silence of my home when everyone is still asleep. Something has definitely changed.

I am embracing this change, it is good for me. It is through my work to dis-identify from the brain that there is room for silence. Before my brain was always “on” and driving my actions, reactions and emotions. But now in the work I have done to dis-engage I am no longer seeking chaos to solve chaos, noise to overpower noise, I am seeking silence.

I think what changed is simple, it is because now there is room for it. There are more moments of silence in my life now and that new normal is resonating with me. I am not running after my children who are now grown, I am not doing ten things at one time attempting to create the life I want…I now have it, I am not needing the last word for I have learned that through silence I am louder. It’s an amazing revelation.

In my new found silence I now work in my office quietly or in my hotel room when I travel in complete silence. It feels powerful. It feels calm. It feels like I want to be both powerful and calm, how mature. I will continue to revel in my new found state and explore this world. I am not sure if I am quite ready for a Silence Retreat but to enjoy an hour or two a day well…Silence is bliss! Life as I see it – L.

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