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The voices inside my head

Got your attention? Well they certainly have mine. The voices in my head keep me awake all night and keep me company all day. Not certifiably crazy, certifiably driven! Yes, that is right…driven. My mind is always going, always thinking, always learning, always processing 24/7. It can be exhausting at times as relaxation does not come easy but I am grateful for this monkey mind of mine as it is key to energy.

I have always had an excessive amount of energy as I was often described as “hyperactive” when I was young. I was indeed a busy girl but not more than I see in my own kids; or at least the way I recognized it. As a teenager again I think I was pretty chill but was never able to sleep-in and hated sleepovers because I was always the one up at 7a while my friends would sleep until 10a. Ugh…b-o-r-i-n-g! Outside of not needing 12 hours of sleep like most teenagers I was typical; love music, had the best BFF’s, tons of sleepovers and lots of laughter.

As an adult my mind would be my most powerful asset. The expectations have been set internally and the rules are always in flux. The pressure is real regardless of it being self-imposed. I always hold myself to a much higher expectation than anyone else could. While this seems like a good practice it can be mentally exhausting as you are always evaluating and redirecting the multitude of thoughts. I love rules and make them for myself constantly. Some call it self-discipline, and it is as long as you also exercise moderation. It is the moderation that is tough for me, “the gray”! It is all or nothing, all the time.

Multi-tasking is not a “thing” in my world. It’s hard enough keeping it all straight when I am doing one thing at a time let alone multiple tasks. I learned this early-on when attempting to talk on the phone and work on the computer. One would definitely suffer and it was typically the phone convo! Ha!! The person on the other end of the line would ask a question and I would have NO idea what the question was…busted!!!

While I do not multi-task my brain works in many directions when I am focusing on any task. For that reason I always keep a notebook on-hand or send myself an email to remind myself of what was on my mind in that moment to allow me to stay focused on the task at hand. If I am not disciplined enough to park the thought and continue driving through the initial task I will forget what I was doing and inevitably end up with 5 different windows open. Sometimes this can be quite humorous when I finish with the thing that took me off my course and realize what I was doing when my mind kidnapped my productivity!! I am also very guilty of this when surfing the web. I will go in for one simply search term and an 1.5 hrs later I came up for air realizing that I have just explored 10 sites digging deeper than thought possible on the original search.

So while I could go on and on about the voices in my head that keep me focused, take me out of focus, create rules, expectations and ultimately give every day a pass or fail…but that is neurotic. What keeps it all in check, what makes sure that I am not neurotic is “the work”. I do the work by creating timelines in my day, schedules are my jam, setting the intention for every single day, checking myself, my attitude, my energy…I do the work. Depending on the time in my life that work would be manifested through meditation, yoga, running, music, reading and all things that require my mind to quiet. This IS work! When you have a monkey brain and voices constantly driving your day the attempt to quiet the entire thing down is a task in itself, but it is possible. It is through this quietude that I find myself and clarity ensues.

My favorite question to ask Gary is, “What are you thinking about right now?” and his response is always “Nothing”. What the heck??!!??! How can you NOT be thinking about something every second of every day; including dreaming about the days events at night??? B thinks it is because Gary is in a constant state of meditation…we are going to go with that…Buddha Dad!

Life as I see it – L.

One comment on “The voices inside my head

  1. shirleyschild says:

    This is so familiar 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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