Initially when you think of the act of separating it likely brings about negative feelings. The act of taking something apart, the idea of removing one thing from another feels like loss. However what I have learned is that separation is the very thing that brings about perspective; not sometimes, but every time.
The word separation when said alone immediately brings about the idea of a marriage being pulled apart. “We are separated” is understood to mean that we are not together and we are not divorced, or permanently apart, we are removed from one another. An interesting fact about separation in marriages as quoted…
Separation can be good for marriage depending on the circumstances of the couple. If both partners are willing to work through current problems, separation can be a great way to process individual issues before reuniting. With that said, about 80 percent of separations ultimately lead to divorce.https://divorce.lovetoknow.com/Is_Separation_Good_for_Marriage
Wow! My assumption on that jaw-dropping statistic is that by the time the couples choose the separation things have gone too far and “working through current problems” becomes unrecoverable.
Separation has positive defining-properties that are worth exploring and exercising in your own life:
- Separation between work/personal – I struggle with this concept as I like to say we have “one life” and to think that there is a separation between work and personal feels impossible in this tech-filled world. However when applied, separation between work and personal actually means allowing time for each in its right time. When we are unbalanced we allow one thing to take over the space of the other which impedes. Keeping work and personal in their respective spaces allows focus. In this focus, when we are in those spaces we are ultimately giving MORE of us than can be realized when it is all a blended state of being.
- Separation in decision-making – I have learned this best at work and have learned to relish in the concept. We often talk about “sleeping on it” when we are making a major decision to make sure that when we allow separation between the initial need to make a decision and the actual decision we have allowed time to settle our thoughts. Making a decision in the moment can be impulsive and reactive. You are making the decision based on something that has happened in the present however taking the time to allow the present moment to pass and then consider the decision without impulse allows for sound decisions that withstand time.
- Separation in relationships as quoted “absence makes the heart grow fonder” can be a very positive act. When we are with each other each and every day we become numb to the nuances that originally made the relationship special. When we are apart we often miss the things that made us fall in love or like with the person to begin with originally. When you have a strong base to the relationship and then come back together it feels like time has never passed and yet the bond in that moment is stronger than before.
I conclude with one final thought about separation. When taking things apart you are truly able to appreciate the individual parts as they are no longer blended with the whole. This is the theory of “seeing the forest for the trees”…
When you are too close to a situation you need to step back and get a little perspective. When you do you will notice there was a whole forest you couldn’t see before because you were too close, and focusing on the trees.https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=can%27t%20see%20the%20forest%20for%20the%20trees
When you are too involved in the details you forget the importance of the whole. This is also frequently cited as being too granular, going down the rabbit whole and analysis paralysis. Pull back, separate the parts and remind yourself of the whole. When you are “flying at 30,000 feet” you see an entirely different perspective that likely gives better context when your feet are back down on the ground.
I am actively exercising separation in my life, making sure that there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. Living wholly is satisfying and where true contentment lies because nothing is taken for granted. Take it a part and then decide how you want to put it back together…it may look different when whole again…and that is likely a good thing.
Life as I live it…L.